Lonely at the top
by Lost Lantean
Summary: It was lonely at the top... Aelita had heard that before but never really understood what that meant until now. OxAxJ


Pushing away from her desk Aelita rises out of her chair and walks towards the window. The bright sunshine looks enticing and she leans forward, resting her forehead against the cold glass while her eyes take in the sight below. Yumi and Ulrich run past, large white snowballs in hand. A quick motion and they sail out of view, heading towards their target. She can imagine the sound of Yumi and Ulrich's laughter as both of their projectiles strike whoever the target was. She briefly wonders if they would be able to see the wistful look and sad smile on her face if they looked up. Pulling away from the glass with a slight headache she drifts back to her desk.

She doesn't want to be here, she'd rather be playing outside with her two best friends. But that's not an option now. Her eyes catch a picture on the desk and she picks it up. Her sole companion now, she lightly strokes the outline of Jeremy's cheeks as a tear falls from her eye. She wipes at it and her tired, bloodshot eyes as well. Trying to shake off the memories the picture evokes she sits back down in front of the computer and heaves a depressed sigh as they continue unabated.

For Jeremy, her decision to accept Odds invitation to go on a date had been the worst day of his life. He lived in denial at first, willing himself to believe that he still had her heart even as she continued to date Odd and spend less time with him. A bitter laugh escapes her lips, he would never know how right he had been. Odd was too much fun but never really filled her heart as she had hoped he would. As it was, Jeremy grew sulky then sad then finally depressed. His life became devoid of hope and meaning as he sequestered himself away until he only came out for school or XANA attacks. He stopped accepting help with Lyoko's programs and workings. Eventually, he even stopped answering her calls altogether.

Yumi tried to explain what had happened to him as did Odd. Odd's explanation was simple and crude: Jeremy was a selfish jerk who couldn't handle the possibility that his precious Aelita could have anything on her mind other than him. Yumi had said that Jeremy couldn't handle the rejection. That it had proven everything negative he'd ever thought about himself as true. It wasn't until after he died and she had accessed his diary that she really understood that.

Yumi had been right, but it went so much deeper than that. He hated his existence, the highs and lows that he was constantly subjected to. As much as he loved her it made him immensely happy to see her happy. But there was always a crash, one that he described in painful detail across several pages of black and white text. He would never be good enough to be more than a tool to make someone else happy. It didn't matter how hard he worked or how deep a connection he forged with someone, his dreams would always be shattered. There would always be the happy-go-lucky idiot who thrived on everyone else's work who could offer more than him. Someone who would be more fun, more outgoing, bolder, basically more deserving of love than he would ever be.

Knowing what she knew now, Jeremy's death wasn't all that surprising. It had been a routine XANA attack with a pair of possessed students. Jeremy ran to the factory with her and Odd while Ulrich dealt with the students and Yumi made her way to the factory from her house. One of the students got past Ulrich and ran to the factory. Jeremy should have survived the fight, his burns weren't that bad compared to what even he'd experienced in the past. but there was no fight left in him, no will to continue the bleak existence that he knew would last the rest of his life. Probably hoping to offer some sort of solace to the deceased friend whom he'd stabbed in the back, Odd told Jeremy he would always take care of Aelita.

Another bitter laugh escaped Aelita's throat. It was at least sort of true. She knew that if she called he would drop everything and anyone to come to her aid. But it was such cold comfort that she always called Yumi or Ulrich nowadays. A return to the past with well selected target coordinates had put Jeremy's lifeless and uninjured body back into his bed for her to discover in the morning. After that the first week was incredibly hard yet manageable with everyone coming together around her to deal with the grief and protect her from the inevitable questions.

Barely a week later XANA attacked and while everyone's attention was focused elsewhere the Scyphozoa grabbed Aelita and forced her to delete the mountain sector, leaving Lyoko with only two sectors and no way to get directly into the fifth. At that point she began to work on the sector five direct virtualization program in earnest, using the notes and diary Jeremy had thought to leave behind on the supercomputer to help. But the time cut into her dating with Odd and he began to get restless.

At first he stayed with her while she programmed to keep her company. But his idea of keeping her company tended to involve a lot of distraction so she tried to teach him to program as a way of burning the energy. It failed miserably and she had to simply banish him while she worked. It was then that she began to realize just what it was like for Jeremy. Forced to work and wonder and worry she began to feel lonely and isolated.

It only got worse when she lost the battle for the ice sector. XANA's attack had been perfect, he had taken over the water infrastructure and was using it to selectively cripple other infrastructure. With all hands on Lyoko XANA served up a playground of monsters. Odd couldn't resist showing off and ended up getting separated and devitalized. Yumi and Ulrich stuck by her but were low on lifepoints by the time they made it out of the trap. Remaining more alert without a controller to watch their backs Yumi noticed the Scyphozoa and its escorts. Engaging them let Ulrich and Aelita make a run for the tower. A lucky shot got Ulrich as he attempted his triangulation on a block and devirtualized him. Aelita ran for the tower but decided she couldn't risk the remaining guards when Odd announced that he had figured out how to get TV on the main monitor and informed her that XANA had contaminated the water supply with dangerous levels of chlorine. She ran for the way tower instead and was unopposed as she entered it. After explaining the process to devirtualize her and Yumi she entered XANA's code and watched as the ice sector disappeared until being brought back to the real world along with Yumi.

A return to the past had hopefully saved the life of everyone in the city but it left XANA more powerful and lyoko with only the desert and sector five. The full weight of her responsibility now pressed down on her small shoulders. Jeremy had done this tirelessly and without complaint for well over a year. She was already in over her head after less than a month. She dug into the programming tasks with a newfound ferocity but after a week it cost her her boyfriend. Their relationship had already been strained by the amount of work she had to do and his unwillingness to share it. Now she couldn't avoid spending every second of spare time on the programs they all needed to really fight XANA. But Odd couldn't keep his wandering eyes to himself.

When she finally confronted him after catching him with another girl he answered "I promised that I'd always be there for you and I will keep that promise, anytime you call I'll come running and I'll always support you no matter what. But you need to understand that I can't live like this, you're just too boring to be with anymore... I'm sorry but as a couple we're done." Odd's eyes had been misty and he'd kept the promise to come running when she called. But however much he claimed he loved her, she knew it wasn't the type of love that Jeremy had offered.

So now she was left here, programming alone in search of a way to simply keep fighting. When that was done she would still have to find a way to defeat XANA once and for all. That meant discovering a way to get to him on the internet and while she had read Jeremy's research on that subject she was a long way from being ready to even attempt such a feat. Meanwhile her friends were all out having a good time, relying on her to solve the problem as they'd once relied on Jeremy. Realization dawned on her, bringing only more weight to bear. She had taken Jeremy's place and was now in charge of this fight. A phrase she'd heard somewhere before came to mind: it was lonely at the top. Never before had she realized just what that simple statement meant. Yumi, if she could hear that last thought, would have shook her head with disgust and replied: _Jeremy was never lonely with you around._

Any further pondering was cut off by the shrill alarm that sent shivers of terror up her spine. XANA had activated a tower in the desert region. Her mind raced, her program wasn't finished, and Odd was off campus with a girl from another school. If they couldn't end XANA's attack and save the desert sector it was all over. Calling her warriors to action she left her room and made a panic fueled sprint to the factory. Reaching for the keyboard without even bothering to sit down she set up the the self-virtualization process, said a small prayer that Odd would arrive soon and raced to the elevator with Ulrich and Yumi.

Nervous energy gave her mind time to consider a few things while the countdown expired and her scanner warmed up. Victory on Lyoko meant that she would return to earth with a few more days to work on her programs. Victory on Lyoko meant that Yumi, Ulrich and Odd could go about enjoying their lives as if nothing bad lurked around the corner for a few more days. And that was all victory on Lyoko meant. A victory here did nothing to weaken XANA and if a return trip was used it really only strengthened him. A wash of despair flowed through her as she realized this but it was cut off by the scanner finishing it's scan and knocking her unconscious before ripping her body to atoms.

The process of materializing on Lyoko sobered her for a moment and as she fell to the ground and landed with well practiced ease she surveyed the landscape. Across the expanse of the desert was the active tower, glowing an ominous red and looming above a group of tarantulas. Overhead a flock of mantas circled. At her arrival site there was an eerie calm which was shattered by Odd's voice on the intercom, with another female voice behind it. Aelita scowled as she realized they would need another return to the past. Oblivious to her unseen look Odd explained what he was about to do. She rolled her eyes and cut Odd short, yelling at Odd to hurry up and get to Lyoko then admonishing the boy's most recent girlfriend not to touch anything. Her mind wandered again as she, Yumi and Ulrich waited impatiently on Odd's arrival.

Odd lived his happy go lucky life on the backs of the entire group. Both she and Jeremy allowed Odd to copy assignments and helped him with the ones that copying would be too obvious. Yumi and Ulrich often took the blame for Odds pranks, shielding him from the consequences. When Odd didn't care that he was on a life or death mission and only wanted to play a videogame it was she, Yumi and Ulrich who worked harder to get the job done. Odd was a good friend and would do anything for those he 'loved' but he was every bit the selfish jerk he had been known to accuse Jeremy of being. In fact he was worse, now that she knew what it really meant to be in Jeremy's shoes.

None of that mattered as Odd materialized and landed easily beside her and attention snapped back to the task at hand. With grim determination and a growing sense of despair she charged forward towards the tower and XANA's patiently waiting guards. The fight was easier than expected and she wondered what the point was as she cautiously entered the tower. Seeing no sign of a trap she stepped to the center and was gently carried to the top of the tower by its data stream. The screen popped up as she stepped towards the middle of the upper platform. Reaching out she placed the palm of her right hand on the floating, translucent screen and watched as it recognized and accepted her then displayed a prompt for her code.

She hesitated, staring at the code prompt with a level of indecision born of all her recent experience and thought. She could enter the Lyoko code, stop XANA's attack, whatever it was, and go back to her lonely existence on earth. Or she could enter the XANA code and quickly end her own suffering while simultaneously sparing her friends the fate of watching XANA destroy the world when she failed as Jeremy did. Forming the word in her head she focused and watched with a sense of dread as letters began to appear on the screen...

A/N: Yes this is a one shot and I intend to end it here. You can draw your own conclusions as to what happens but truthfully I haven't decided and can imagine it ending both ways.


End file.
